Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Found a draft I never finished :)
Disclaimer: I wrote this last May and never got around to posting it. I don't remember how I was going to end it, but I think I liked where I was going with it. Eh, we'll see.
Discipleship group kinda sent my head spinning again tonight, but mostly in a good way. Andrew likes to go through whatever we're talking about in a socratic way and ends up asking too many questions at once, but it definitely got the old brain-gears turning. Last week we talked about what the Bible is, and not just the cheesy sunday school answer "it's a love letter from God," (which, as far as cheesy sunday school answers go, is actually one of my favorites). We started out slow, kinda dipping our toes into the water to see if other people would speak up, but once the ball got rolling you couldn't shut us up. Some of the big things: it's more than a textbook, it's more than an epic story, and it has to be read in the context in which it was written (i.e. the gospels are narratives, the epistles were letters TO SPECIFIC GROUPS OF PEOPLE, and revelations is largely figurative.) It's not just a pretty book that sits on the shelf with your family's genealogy collecting dust between readings. It isn't Poor Richard's Almanac - you can't just pick out pretty little verses and hang them over your door frame and mold them to mean whatever the heck you want. My favorite example of this: Jeremiah 29:11. Don't get me wrong, I love this verse for what it is, but I've come to love it even more IN CONTEXT.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
People like to use this as a nothing-will-ever-go-wrong, feel-good strand of words. It's not. It's actually saying, it will be crappy, yes, very crappy for a while, but something is better up ahead. God had just put the israelites INTO exile because they were being selfish, sin-happy idiots. GOD put them in exile. BUT he knew of bigger plans, and leaving them where they were, continuing to pull away from Him, wouldn't do. Note that in this context, the verse is not saying that absolutely nothing craptastic will ever happen to you. It's saying that it may suck for a very long time. You might not see the promise land, but IAM here, and I have a better plan down the road. I think that is much more useful - rain or shine, He is with me, even when I can't see it.
The Bible is also not supposed to be arm candy for sunday-only christians who want to fit in. In a sense, that's terribly demeaning to the Word, to bring it on sunday to make yourself look good and clean and pure and righteous when it's not even worth your time to so much as think about it or even crack it open during the week. And now I sound like a hypocrite because there are plenty of weeks where I neglect reading altogether, but I'm trying to move forward and improve that. There's a marked difference in the days I spend time in the Word and days I don't - I would have so much more joy in my life if I made that my focus daily. And to clarify, when I say spend time in the word I'm not talking about going through the motions of half-heartedly reading a chapter of John, I mean those days when I am on my knees in prayer digging into the scriptures and falling head over heels in love with my Creator.
So from what my 18-year-old, not-graduated-from-seminary brain can wrap itself around, here's what the Bible is:
A compilation of laws, history, poetry, song, prophecy, stories, letters, and symbolic imagery designed to reveal God's character to us. What I mean by that: when you spend a lot of time with a person, you can finish each other's sentences. So, reading about God's love, righteousness, jealousy, mercy, law, and forgiveness teaches you about how He would respond to different situations, That way, when you face a decision that has no specific scriptural reference (i.e. where should I go to college?), you have a better sense of His will and discerning HIS voice in all the crazy going on in your head.
A living book. What makes it 'living'? Well for starters, it's been applicable and relatable for nearly 2000 years (NT). Second, it connects you and all the other believers together, tying doctrine back to this one source. Third, the Holy Spirit played a huge role in the creation of the scriptures, and will play an even bigger role in how they are interpreted.
I don't know what else I was going to say about mi biblia, but what do you think of where I was going so far? I've already adjusted some of what I think since then, but it's neat seeing this little snapshot of how I thought 7 months ago.
Happy finals!
Sarah
and no, this sudden nostalgia has nothing to do with my impending birthday. Nothing to do with a highly illogical fear that some kind of 18th birthday magic will wear off in a few days when I enter my last year of being a teenager. Not at all.
Discipleship group kinda sent my head spinning again tonight, but mostly in a good way. Andrew likes to go through whatever we're talking about in a socratic way and ends up asking too many questions at once, but it definitely got the old brain-gears turning. Last week we talked about what the Bible is, and not just the cheesy sunday school answer "it's a love letter from God," (which, as far as cheesy sunday school answers go, is actually one of my favorites). We started out slow, kinda dipping our toes into the water to see if other people would speak up, but once the ball got rolling you couldn't shut us up. Some of the big things: it's more than a textbook, it's more than an epic story, and it has to be read in the context in which it was written (i.e. the gospels are narratives, the epistles were letters TO SPECIFIC GROUPS OF PEOPLE, and revelations is largely figurative.) It's not just a pretty book that sits on the shelf with your family's genealogy collecting dust between readings. It isn't Poor Richard's Almanac - you can't just pick out pretty little verses and hang them over your door frame and mold them to mean whatever the heck you want. My favorite example of this: Jeremiah 29:11. Don't get me wrong, I love this verse for what it is, but I've come to love it even more IN CONTEXT.
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'"
People like to use this as a nothing-will-ever-go-wrong, feel-good strand of words. It's not. It's actually saying, it will be crappy, yes, very crappy for a while, but something is better up ahead. God had just put the israelites INTO exile because they were being selfish, sin-happy idiots. GOD put them in exile. BUT he knew of bigger plans, and leaving them where they were, continuing to pull away from Him, wouldn't do. Note that in this context, the verse is not saying that absolutely nothing craptastic will ever happen to you. It's saying that it may suck for a very long time. You might not see the promise land, but IAM here, and I have a better plan down the road. I think that is much more useful - rain or shine, He is with me, even when I can't see it.
The Bible is also not supposed to be arm candy for sunday-only christians who want to fit in. In a sense, that's terribly demeaning to the Word, to bring it on sunday to make yourself look good and clean and pure and righteous when it's not even worth your time to so much as think about it or even crack it open during the week. And now I sound like a hypocrite because there are plenty of weeks where I neglect reading altogether, but I'm trying to move forward and improve that. There's a marked difference in the days I spend time in the Word and days I don't - I would have so much more joy in my life if I made that my focus daily. And to clarify, when I say spend time in the word I'm not talking about going through the motions of half-heartedly reading a chapter of John, I mean those days when I am on my knees in prayer digging into the scriptures and falling head over heels in love with my Creator.
So from what my 18-year-old, not-graduated-from-seminary brain can wrap itself around, here's what the Bible is:
A compilation of laws, history, poetry, song, prophecy, stories, letters, and symbolic imagery designed to reveal God's character to us. What I mean by that: when you spend a lot of time with a person, you can finish each other's sentences. So, reading about God's love, righteousness, jealousy, mercy, law, and forgiveness teaches you about how He would respond to different situations, That way, when you face a decision that has no specific scriptural reference (i.e. where should I go to college?), you have a better sense of His will and discerning HIS voice in all the crazy going on in your head.
A living book. What makes it 'living'? Well for starters, it's been applicable and relatable for nearly 2000 years (NT). Second, it connects you and all the other believers together, tying doctrine back to this one source. Third, the Holy Spirit played a huge role in the creation of the scriptures, and will play an even bigger role in how they are interpreted.
I don't know what else I was going to say about mi biblia, but what do you think of where I was going so far? I've already adjusted some of what I think since then, but it's neat seeing this little snapshot of how I thought 7 months ago.
Happy finals!
Sarah
and no, this sudden nostalgia has nothing to do with my impending birthday. Nothing to do with a highly illogical fear that some kind of 18th birthday magic will wear off in a few days when I enter my last year of being a teenager. Not at all.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Why I'm a creep.
So I saw someone from far away today, and instead of thinking "hey I know them!" or "hmm, they're kinda cute," I thought, "they have really interesting cheek bones. I wonder if they would let me sketch their face."
I've gotten especially bad about people-watching and sketching lately. I immediately jump to how I would draw a person's face when I see them. Hmmm, that girl's nose hooks at the end in such a neat way. That guy's earlobes are completely attached. That jaw line would make such a great composition.
So today in Calculus my mind was wandering as usual, and I started to draw a friend of mine. C'mon! He has such striking features! I just wanted to try and draw his profile - it's really angular, like he was made to be a cartoon.
I hope the people behind me in class don't know him. Otherwise they'll think I'm really creepy.
I've gotten especially bad about people-watching and sketching lately. I immediately jump to how I would draw a person's face when I see them. Hmmm, that girl's nose hooks at the end in such a neat way. That guy's earlobes are completely attached. That jaw line would make such a great composition.
So today in Calculus my mind was wandering as usual, and I started to draw a friend of mine. C'mon! He has such striking features! I just wanted to try and draw his profile - it's really angular, like he was made to be a cartoon.
I hope the people behind me in class don't know him. Otherwise they'll think I'm really creepy.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
The library.
Having fun isn't hard, when you've got a library card.
I really like my library. From week one when we played hide n' seek in the basement, to the copious amounts of legitimate book research I had to do a few weeks ago, to now my home away from home.
Someone took my spot today. It's a great spot - in the basement, quiet, with a dusty window a foot above the big table I sprawl out at that pours sunlight in at an angle. You don't need any fancy climate control - it's really warm where the sun hits but nice and cool if you scrunch into the corner where the light doesn't fall.
I realized part of why I love the library so much (aside from all the books, that's a duh) - it isn't super polished and primped and preppy. Every where else I go on campus is newly renovated, newly constructed, or having the flower beds changed out every 6 weeks. No, literally - a donor stipulated in their contribution to the university that the flower beds be changed EVERY 6 weeks. Or the sidewalk is redone, or the tiles refinished, or an entire building is re-bricked because a bird pooped on it. (I joke about that now, but I wouldn't put it past them.)
The library is homey, it has fading paint and old study pods that have been there since the at least the '70s, it has card catalogs in the lobby purely for sentimental purposes.
I like to go down the aisles between the shelves and trace my hand along the spines as I walk by. I like picking up random books and seeing where they take me. I like how much more productive I am studying here than in my dorm. I like how creative I feel, I like the freedom to sketch without people looking over my shoulder.
I sometimes buy lunch from the cafe on the main level and bring my lunch down to the basement just to inwardly laugh at the death glares I receive for opening my Doritos bag too loud.
So yes, I was bummed that someone took my spot today. So I sat somewhere else, and though it doesn't have my window, or the large table for me to scatter all my notes across, I haven't lost faith in my relationship with the library. I don't need my spot to feel at home.
(and I hope you all got the Arthur reference at the beginning. Other wise I might question our friendship.)
Sarah
I really like my library. From week one when we played hide n' seek in the basement, to the copious amounts of legitimate book research I had to do a few weeks ago, to now my home away from home.
Someone took my spot today. It's a great spot - in the basement, quiet, with a dusty window a foot above the big table I sprawl out at that pours sunlight in at an angle. You don't need any fancy climate control - it's really warm where the sun hits but nice and cool if you scrunch into the corner where the light doesn't fall.
I realized part of why I love the library so much (aside from all the books, that's a duh) - it isn't super polished and primped and preppy. Every where else I go on campus is newly renovated, newly constructed, or having the flower beds changed out every 6 weeks. No, literally - a donor stipulated in their contribution to the university that the flower beds be changed EVERY 6 weeks. Or the sidewalk is redone, or the tiles refinished, or an entire building is re-bricked because a bird pooped on it. (I joke about that now, but I wouldn't put it past them.)
The library is homey, it has fading paint and old study pods that have been there since the at least the '70s, it has card catalogs in the lobby purely for sentimental purposes.
I like to go down the aisles between the shelves and trace my hand along the spines as I walk by. I like picking up random books and seeing where they take me. I like how much more productive I am studying here than in my dorm. I like how creative I feel, I like the freedom to sketch without people looking over my shoulder.
I sometimes buy lunch from the cafe on the main level and bring my lunch down to the basement just to inwardly laugh at the death glares I receive for opening my Doritos bag too loud.
So yes, I was bummed that someone took my spot today. So I sat somewhere else, and though it doesn't have my window, or the large table for me to scatter all my notes across, I haven't lost faith in my relationship with the library. I don't need my spot to feel at home.
(and I hope you all got the Arthur reference at the beginning. Other wise I might question our friendship.)
Sarah
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Dear boy,
Do you know how incredible you are? Maybe my perspective is skewed in your favor.
You are exactly the type of boy I would like to marry, run through the checklist, itemized, color coded, time-stamped. You are the make and model of everything I could possibly want.
And yet - as much as I think about you, and as always it's a bit more than I should, (I'm lying, I think about you a lot more than I should), right now, I'm okay with everything as it is, just because I get to be your friend.
I love calling you my friend.
And I am grateful - so grateful - for just that.
I don't need anything else from you, just to be your friend.
So right now, it's okay that I'm single. It's okay that you're not interested in me that way.
It's okay because we're friends.
Do you know how incredible you are?
Do you know that just being around you changes the way I think about things?
That you bring my focus back to what matters?
That you make me want to do more?
That you make me want to be less, and make Christ everything?
I just thought you should know.
Your friend,
Sarah
Do you know how incredible you are? Maybe my perspective is skewed in your favor.
You are exactly the type of boy I would like to marry, run through the checklist, itemized, color coded, time-stamped. You are the make and model of everything I could possibly want.
And yet - as much as I think about you, and as always it's a bit more than I should, (I'm lying, I think about you a lot more than I should), right now, I'm okay with everything as it is, just because I get to be your friend.
I love calling you my friend.
And I am grateful - so grateful - for just that.
I don't need anything else from you, just to be your friend.
So right now, it's okay that I'm single. It's okay that you're not interested in me that way.
It's okay because we're friends.
Do you know how incredible you are?
Do you know that just being around you changes the way I think about things?
That you bring my focus back to what matters?
That you make me want to do more?
That you make me want to be less, and make Christ everything?
I just thought you should know.
Your friend,
Sarah
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Timeline for writing an overdue essay
I've developed a new nightly routine.
Get home from school, usually late because i've gotten roped into some extracurricular or another.
Eat a snack.
Take a break (nap) because i am exhausted from staying up late/long day of school.
Eat a snack.
Summon will power to work on essay, check email/facebook for 2 hours.
Eat a snack.
Stare vacantly at computer screen.
Eat a snack.
Distract myself with a half-assed attempt at another class's homework.
Eat a snack.
Check email, get distracted by rescue puppies and slow lorises.
Eat a snack.
Write two sentences.
Eat a snack.
Have a mini freak out because it is now past one o'clock and i've accomplished little.
Debate whether another snack is a good idea.
Eat a snack.
Stare vacantly at computer.
Talk to myself about possible ways to approach some aspect of the essay.
Jot down garbled nonsense in the middle of an otherwise good sentence.
Make a mug of hot tea.
Stare vacantly at computer.
Eat a snack.
Mumble incoherently.
Stress out.
Freak out.
Slam head into wall.
Brush teeth.
Wash face.
Moisturize.
Apply pimple cream.
Put on pajamas.
Turn on the lamp so that i can turn off the overhead and still make it safely to my bed without tripping on a shoe.
Pull the short cord on the overhead to turn the light off and allow the fan go run with the light off.
Pull the long cord on the overhead once to put the fan on high.
Plug in computer charger.
Turn off closet light.
Crawl in bed.
Find an episode of one of my tv shows i haven't seen yet.
Put in head phones.
Turn off lamp.
Dim computer screen.
Put show on full screen mode.
Pull covers over head so mom and dad don't notice i'm still awake.
Fall asleep in the middle of the show.
...
Wake up later than i planned, race to school.
Do it all over again.
Get home from school, usually late because i've gotten roped into some extracurricular or another.
Eat a snack.
Take a break (nap) because i am exhausted from staying up late/long day of school.
Eat a snack.
Summon will power to work on essay, check email/facebook for 2 hours.
Eat a snack.
Stare vacantly at computer screen.
Eat a snack.
Distract myself with a half-assed attempt at another class's homework.
Eat a snack.
Check email, get distracted by rescue puppies and slow lorises.
Eat a snack.
Write two sentences.
Eat a snack.
Have a mini freak out because it is now past one o'clock and i've accomplished little.
Debate whether another snack is a good idea.
Eat a snack.
Stare vacantly at computer.
Talk to myself about possible ways to approach some aspect of the essay.
Jot down garbled nonsense in the middle of an otherwise good sentence.
Make a mug of hot tea.
Stare vacantly at computer.
Eat a snack.
Mumble incoherently.
Stress out.
Freak out.
Slam head into wall.
Brush teeth.
Wash face.
Moisturize.
Apply pimple cream.
Put on pajamas.
Turn on the lamp so that i can turn off the overhead and still make it safely to my bed without tripping on a shoe.
Pull the short cord on the overhead to turn the light off and allow the fan go run with the light off.
Pull the long cord on the overhead once to put the fan on high.
Plug in computer charger.
Turn off closet light.
Crawl in bed.
Find an episode of one of my tv shows i haven't seen yet.
Put in head phones.
Turn off lamp.
Dim computer screen.
Put show on full screen mode.
Pull covers over head so mom and dad don't notice i'm still awake.
Fall asleep in the middle of the show.
...
Wake up later than i planned, race to school.
Do it all over again.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Well Fine Then!
This was intended as a comment to Olivier's 'Unprovoked Response' post. The comment box is not working. Here it be:
I think the way you blog has a lot to do with you. Chan thinks and expresses herself largely through her emotions, and it's tangible in her posts. I don't think you have to spill your guts on a post to make it any more or less of a post - it's just a little polaroid of what you were thinking about when you wrote it, your tone, your chain of thought, your pace. You spill when you want to, (and when you spill, you SPILL), but for the most part you post things that are witty and analytical, which is what you normally wear on your sleeve willingly. So if my blog is representative of me I'm random, visual, and sporadic. :)
I think the way you blog has a lot to do with you. Chan thinks and expresses herself largely through her emotions, and it's tangible in her posts. I don't think you have to spill your guts on a post to make it any more or less of a post - it's just a little polaroid of what you were thinking about when you wrote it, your tone, your chain of thought, your pace. You spill when you want to, (and when you spill, you SPILL), but for the most part you post things that are witty and analytical, which is what you normally wear on your sleeve willingly. So if my blog is representative of me I'm random, visual, and sporadic. :)
Thursday, April 22, 2010
sqWORDLE
Awesome site i found. wordle.net
i took the liberty of snagging a few of my amigos' blogposts and arting them :)
i took the liberty of snagging a few of my amigos' blogposts and arting them :)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Hue Manatee
Dickinson-esque poem i wrote for humanities. (aka lame excuse for a post)
The twisting, turning, chiming
Of that great grandfather time
Called to me in the dancing
Hands of syncopated mime.
Sturdy, precise
And spinning sprint revolving fast,
The two-armed piece
Whelmed and hypnotized me at last.
Mesmerize; at once one and apart
Twirling together the swift fox trots
With the other soft lethargic heart.
The perpetual whirls til I've forgot.
While the brevities turn the hours 'tick,'
The shorter marks the differences.
The steps of the tango that cross, kick,
Weave to circumnavigate the inches.
The twisting, turning, chiming
Of that great grandfather time
Called to me in the dancing
Hands of syncopated mime.
Sturdy, precise
And spinning sprint revolving fast,
The two-armed piece
Whelmed and hypnotized me at last.
Mesmerize; at once one and apart
Twirling together the swift fox trots
With the other soft lethargic heart.
The perpetual whirls til I've forgot.
While the brevities turn the hours 'tick,'
The shorter marks the differences.
The steps of the tango that cross, kick,
Weave to circumnavigate the inches.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Change
That word has been haunting me lately.
Saturday I felt an inexplicable urge to rake the leaves. Yes, it needed to be done, and yes, we haven't raked the back yard at all since the leaves fell this fall. It wasn't my job though, and I had more important things to do, but all I could think about was getting the yard raked.
I drop my change in the Pennies for Peace jars when I see them.
Change in season - maybe that's why I needed to get the leaves up. It still looks like fall, with Texas' bipolar weather patterns, half the time it still feels like fall, and I've been in the mindset that I have all the time in the world. Maybe this was my way of telling myself to wake up and smell the dog turd I stepped in - change is just around the corner.
When I printed a project for Humanities I put my change in the jar. I then stopped to tell Mrs. Mays that she pass along the idea to people who got change back when they made copies. Next thing I knew, I was in a full blown heart-to-heart with the librarian. No, it was more one-sided. I listened to Mrs. Mays talk on and on about how stressed she is because the computers are down. And to my surprise, I didn't mind at all.
I used to only do surprise chores like that for money or recognition. That really wasn't on my mind at all on Saturday - I raked and raked, happy to see real progress, see that my efforts made a noticeable difference. I trimmed the broken branches off some of the short trees and shrubs. Dragged them out to the side of the house so I can put them on the curb when the next trash pick up comes by. I didn't finish because it got dark, but it was like I got to control my own little season, making it turn from fall to spring.
I've always been considered and considered myself more like my dad in my personality than my mom. Mainly just in the way I think about things, the way I process. One of the things I love about my mom is her 'Yes' face - she looks like if you asked her to do anything for you she would respond kindly. People at grocery stores, in parking lots, at PTA meetings take advantage of my mom's 'Yes' face and unload all of their problems and life stories on her willing ears. My dad has a 'No' face. Not that that's bad really, but because I am emotionally colder than my sisters I've always been afraid that if I had that 'No' face then I would be completely unapproachable. But, that can change. Being a willing listener is not determined by genetics - its being willing to listen. I like hearing adults stories, I like listening to their problems - as if they feel comfortable confiding in me and trusting me to be there for them. Change doesn't have to be what happens to you, and I'm trying to be a more open listener, more 'Yes' faced.
Change is happening. For the first time in a while I'm trying to deal with it rather than holding everything in place.
Halfway through this I started singing the last verse of All-Star in my head.
Somebody once asked
Could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place.
I said yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
and we could all use a little change.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Sweet-Diggity-Dawg!
I just got word that I'm a state finalist for a scholarship on zinch worth twenty-freaking-grand.
Feb 22- March 7 voting is open to advance kiddos like me to the next round.
click it. please?
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Teaser post.
I just overnighted at TCU and have a buttload of things to say, but as usual I've built up a mountain of procrastination and have a scholarship app due by midnight. Unfortunately that takes precedent. This is a teaser post of things yet to come so I'll have some sort of accountability for actually sitting down and blogging about my experience. Something about having a promise in print looming over me holds so much more weight than just saying i'm going to write. In the mean time, I realized that I have few or no pictures of the people who actually read my posts. Don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or anything...
birthday sweater
guatemala
nerd day
just kidding, he dresses like that every day.
h-core gangster
awwww
Just a glimpse at the caliber of people I hang out with. and to prove that I actually do have readers, and they may possibly be nerdier than I am for reading this. Love you guys :)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
aren't we all a bit of a joke?
Why do I take myself so seriously? Not like there aren't 6 billion other people out there in the world.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Maybe if I stop for half a second.
I know why I am so uptight and stressed out right now. And yet, I keep chugging along. I know I need to take some time to just sit and listen to my thoughts and revel in silence - but right now I just don't have time to have the panic attack that would probably come right along with it. I know I need to spend some time in prayer - but each morning I'm just doing my best to make it out the door on time. I keep telling myself that I'll get to breathe tomorrow once I'm done with ____ , once I've gotten past _____ . I think I'm just waiting until I break down sick and am forced to stop. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. I feel like my mantra is now that phrase from British propaganda posters in WWII - "Keep Calm and Carry On." Maybe I'm just saying that because I'm semi-obsessed with brits. I know better than this. I'm being less productive by forcing myself to keep moving than I would if I pressed pause for a while. And thus my first blog in months isn't even about what I'm stressed about - I can't open that can of worms right now. Oh the irony. I'm using a blog, (what I hear is alleged to be some sort of outlet, supposedly), to write about how I can't let anything right now and how I am being counterproductive. Oh the nerd who would examine such irony.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)