Saturday I felt an inexplicable urge to rake the leaves. Yes, it needed to be done, and yes, we haven't raked the back yard at all since the leaves fell this fall. It wasn't my job though, and I had more important things to do, but all I could think about was getting the yard raked.
I drop my change in the Pennies for Peace jars when I see them.
Change in season - maybe that's why I needed to get the leaves up. It still looks like fall, with Texas' bipolar weather patterns, half the time it still feels like fall, and I've been in the mindset that I have all the time in the world. Maybe this was my way of telling myself to wake up and smell the dog turd I stepped in - change is just around the corner.
When I printed a project for Humanities I put my change in the jar. I then stopped to tell Mrs. Mays that she pass along the idea to people who got change back when they made copies. Next thing I knew, I was in a full blown heart-to-heart with the librarian. No, it was more one-sided. I listened to Mrs. Mays talk on and on about how stressed she is because the computers are down. And to my surprise, I didn't mind at all.
I used to only do surprise chores like that for money or recognition. That really wasn't on my mind at all on Saturday - I raked and raked, happy to see real progress, see that my efforts made a noticeable difference. I trimmed the broken branches off some of the short trees and shrubs. Dragged them out to the side of the house so I can put them on the curb when the next trash pick up comes by. I didn't finish because it got dark, but it was like I got to control my own little season, making it turn from fall to spring.
I've always been considered and considered myself more like my dad in my personality than my mom. Mainly just in the way I think about things, the way I process. One of the things I love about my mom is her 'Yes' face - she looks like if you asked her to do anything for you she would respond kindly. People at grocery stores, in parking lots, at PTA meetings take advantage of my mom's 'Yes' face and unload all of their problems and life stories on her willing ears. My dad has a 'No' face. Not that that's bad really, but because I am emotionally colder than my sisters I've always been afraid that if I had that 'No' face then I would be completely unapproachable. But, that can change. Being a willing listener is not determined by genetics - its being willing to listen. I like hearing adults stories, I like listening to their problems - as if they feel comfortable confiding in me and trusting me to be there for them. Change doesn't have to be what happens to you, and I'm trying to be a more open listener, more 'Yes' faced.
Change is happening. For the first time in a while I'm trying to deal with it rather than holding everything in place.
Halfway through this I started singing the last verse of All-Star in my head.
Somebody once asked
Could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place.
I said yep, what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
and we could all use a little change.
